just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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