I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
