your thong is hanging out like whoa
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
