Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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