Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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