Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
