Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
