She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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