I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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