I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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