I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
