it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
