i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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