ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
