ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
