My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
