I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
third nipple confirmed
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
