I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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