worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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