That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
