I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
