Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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