can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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