my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
