Jerry, you need to find god
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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