Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
