yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
