Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
