You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
