I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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