just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
