He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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