Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
