Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
