We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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