just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
