i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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