You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
