How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
