we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
