dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
