Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
