dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
