I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize