Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
