Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
