Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
