I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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