Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
organizing the empties. That sober.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
