I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
