WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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