I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
