No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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