Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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