Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
