Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Ladies don't puke and tell
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