Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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