haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
