is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
