my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
