lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
