Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she looked like the before picture.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
