so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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