So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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