remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
