no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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