I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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