I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
