dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
