The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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