i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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